Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
