I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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