So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
