I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
