Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dick very happy bro
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
