Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this will be a night to untag.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
