so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
