i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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