im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
