I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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