So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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