Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
