I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
