Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
