you guys were way drunker than both of me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
