come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Welp...herpes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
