eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
time to smoke my breakfast
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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