is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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