1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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