I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
