That's intense
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
