He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
