I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
