Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
