I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
