I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
