Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
