Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
