I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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