Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
