u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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