The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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