Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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