It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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