We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
