question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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