I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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