I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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