I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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