i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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