Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
