She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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