As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
