Can i not drive my cunt home
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
