I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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