I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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