Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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