You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
