Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
