I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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