i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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