What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need to calm my uterus...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
