So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize