He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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