Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
