This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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