I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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