you guys were way drunker than both of me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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