I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
