Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
