I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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