What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
