I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
foreskin is a definite game changer
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
